Run.
Jasmine wants
Monday, May 11, 2009
too many too many things on my plate.
they always say that we should focus focus focus.
And I think that is not wrong.
Because now I feel like I have left many things behind.
I feel I have forgotten my love for many things.
which if I hadn't talked to hua, wouldn't have come out.
Like I recognised it, but I was not willing to admit it or face it. Till today when I spoke of it.
it really showed how I left too many things behind.
I left them so far behind, I almost forgot about them.
So for example how I loved community service.
I deprived joy from it. There were such simple pleasures.
But now, ask me to return to community service and I will just turn sour -
- I don't have time for that!
(or maybe I have lost touch with it.)
The environment; my passion for the environment;
it was strong, burning, deep.
But now, ask me to do something for mother earth, to feel indignant for the cutting down of trees -
- I'd rather go for convenience. I want fast fast fast!
(I started feeling so upset today, when I saw that they had cut down yet more trees! All those beautiful trees I grew up with, which accompanied me home day- in and out since I stopped taking the school bus service. I started talking non-stop about it. Like how I used to.
Before, I got too tired and would stop after a while, maybe I was disillusioned, believing that was just the way the society worked and that I didn't have the energy to fight against it, I was trying to focus on finishing what was on my plate first. Today. I think I revived and uncovered what was buried so deep, I thought I would never find it again)
so, everything I have ever fought for, my causes.
so, all those adventurous stuff that appealed to me.
so, everything and anything of my interest I used to have.
they all seemed to have been lost. lost. lost...
lost to academics.
lost to projects.
lost to cca.
lost to a position.
lost to responsibility.
lost to fatigue.
lost to my tired soul.
I'm looking for you. Would you come out again please?
I miss you. I need you. I want you. I can't lie to myself.
I can't live without you. Without you, I just won't be me.
I really did love me then. Life was fulfilling.
things on my platter:
Academics
NYAA Chapter
Projects:
+ WISP
+ Ethical Dilemmas
+ Final Year Project
+ Service Quality
+ PT Indiv.
+ Retail Mgmt
+ Service Quality Indiv.
+ Biz Comm 3 sales scenario
I think the projects are enough to kill. Inclusive of the chapter having to restructure, and other events I have yet to start planning. Maybe I will die first. =) I'm afraid, I will just drop everything. I'm afraid I will lose my faith. Please, help me through this.
they always say that we should focus focus focus.
And I think that is not wrong.
Because now I feel like I have left many things behind.
I feel I have forgotten my love for many things.
which if I hadn't talked to hua, wouldn't have come out.
Like I recognised it, but I was not willing to admit it or face it. Till today when I spoke of it.
it really showed how I left too many things behind.
I left them so far behind, I almost forgot about them.
So for example how I loved community service.
I deprived joy from it. There were such simple pleasures.
But now, ask me to return to community service and I will just turn sour -
- I don't have time for that!
(or maybe I have lost touch with it.)
The environment; my passion for the environment;
it was strong, burning, deep.
But now, ask me to do something for mother earth, to feel indignant for the cutting down of trees -
- I'd rather go for convenience. I want fast fast fast!
(I started feeling so upset today, when I saw that they had cut down yet more trees! All those beautiful trees I grew up with, which accompanied me home day- in and out since I stopped taking the school bus service. I started talking non-stop about it. Like how I used to.
Before, I got too tired and would stop after a while, maybe I was disillusioned, believing that was just the way the society worked and that I didn't have the energy to fight against it, I was trying to focus on finishing what was on my plate first. Today. I think I revived and uncovered what was buried so deep, I thought I would never find it again)
so, everything I have ever fought for, my causes.
so, all those adventurous stuff that appealed to me.
so, everything and anything of my interest I used to have.
they all seemed to have been lost. lost. lost...
lost to academics.
lost to projects.
lost to cca.
lost to a position.
lost to responsibility.
lost to fatigue.
lost to my tired soul.
I'm looking for you. Would you come out again please?
I miss you. I need you. I want you. I can't lie to myself.
I can't live without you. Without you, I just won't be me.
I really did love me then. Life was fulfilling.
things on my platter:
Academics
NYAA Chapter
Projects:
+ WISP
+ Ethical Dilemmas
+ Final Year Project
+ Service Quality
+ PT Indiv.
+ Retail Mgmt
+ Service Quality Indiv.
+ Biz Comm 3 sales scenario
I think the projects are enough to kill. Inclusive of the chapter having to restructure, and other events I have yet to start planning. Maybe I will die first. =) I'm afraid, I will just drop everything. I'm afraid I will lose my faith. Please, help me through this.